We sat down for an exclusive interview with The Toilet from Scots the Musical. Created by multi-award winning duo Noisemaker and featuring an ensemble cast, the hilarious, fast-paced Scots the Musical charges through Scotland’s past, present and future, its people and places, triumphs and failures, with a figure who has seen it all… the toilet!!
Scots the Musical tours Scotland from 4 March – 4 April. – Tickets here
As the all-seeing toilet narrator of Scots: The Musical, what moment in Scotland’s history surprised you most in shaping the nation we see today?
TOILET: Well, this may sound biased but… the biggest surprise for me came in 1755 when Alexander Cummings (a Scottish watchmaker and mathematician) patented the first, truly functional, mother-flushing TOILET! Up until then, the less said about Scotland’s sanitation the better. But after auld Alex had the ingenuity to sculpt my pipes into an “S” shape – everything about indoor plumbing changed forever! And for anyone who’s ever endured a broken lavvy (and NOT had the luxury of “the flush”) they can attest just how important this was for the homes and people of Scotland, and subsequently the rest of the world! So aye, Alexander Cummings: The Father of the Flushing Toilet. My hero.
Having witnessed centuries of triumphs and failures in Scotland, what pattern do you think keeps repeating in how the country defines itself?
TOILET: Scotland is many things. A place of beauty. Of ancient landscapes. Of myth and legend. Of music and stories. Of chips, cheese and curry sauce. We’ve had some remarkable folk through our history, and we’ve had some terrible arseholes (and believe me, I’ve seen them). But, for me, one thing remains constant through our intensely proud, prolifically creative, endlessly reimagined, little nation’s journey: when then people of Scotland stop bickering and moaning and being total knobs to one another – that is when the good stuff happens.
If you could preserve one everyday moment from Scotland’s past for future generations, what would it be and why?
TOILET: What a braw idea, lovely interviewer! Taking something from our past and spamming it up on the wall like a photo of your Great Aunt Ida. Scotland’s past has hunners of lessons for it’s future! Mary Sommerville, for example: a polymath and 19th century scientific trailblazer. Mary can be credited for many things but, in my opinion, the coolest was relegating the term “man of science” to the dustbin of history (up to that point, anyone doing anything science-y was a man… apparently) and replacing with a whole new word: “scientist”! That’s right, the first actual scientist anywhere, ever came fae Jedburgh. So let’s stick that picture on the wall. A photo of Mary Sommerville. The very same one you’ll find today on the back of our ten pound note.
After observing revolutions both grand and absurd, what do you believe truly unites people across time in Scotland?
TOILET: For the record: YOU said absurd, not me. (You are right, of course) D’you know at the top of the Battle of Bannockburn, Robert the Bruce rode in on a teeny, tiny, totesy pony? And then proceeded to spit in an “English skull” he held in his hand while trotting along? Now I know that battle went on to be something of a significance for Scotland, but holy cannoli! The man was AT IT! Yet he still fought. The same way that King Kenneth McAlpin fought to pull together the Gaels and the Picts for the first time to form the Kingdom of Alba. The same way Govan’s own Annie Gibbons fought in the 1960s to have all of Glasgow tenements fitted with indoor loos. All of these people, all of these stories, all of these battles: the thing that unites them all is… Scotland is an idea worth fighting for.
From your unique vantage point across history, how do humour and irreverence help Scots confront their most serious challenges?
TOILET: In this lowly latrines opinion, humour and irreverence don’t just help Scots confront our challenges – they ARE how we confront our challenges. Think about it. Even when faced with direst rack and ruin, the people of Scotland always run a single question through their minds: “is it funny but?”. Our nations unique ability to take things seriously by being wholly un–serious about them, remains our magic power. From old Bruce on his wee pony right through to that Willy Wonka Experience – it is through laughter; comedy; joking about it, that we strive on. Even in the darkest night when it’s pishing down with rain and yer hair looks like a dug in a washing machine, Scots can look for the light.
As a witness to Scotland’s imagined future as well as its past, what gives you the most hope about where the nation is heading?
TOILET: Most people forget when they’re sat on me I see everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. We are not a country that’s gotten everything right – not by a long shot. From the Highland Clearances to the cancellation of River City: we’ve had our share of deeply shameful history. Yet, we don’t let these mistakes linger. Scotland has no problem in admitting we’ve f**ked it. We are a nation of retries and redos. Rectifying who we’ve been into who we might become. This country went from being the only place in the UK to still criminalise homosexuality, to being the first nation to legalise gay marriage and provide free HIV medication through our NHS. That willingness to flush away some of the past to make room for the future is what gives me hope. Scotland remains a country that wills and strives and believes in the idea that it should be good here: for everyone. And I, lovely interviewer, shall remain here to sit on as we keep working it out. Cheers for the chat. And remember to put the lid down when you’re done.