A heartfelt exploration of modern football hooliganism, packed with one-liners
It was a truly viral photo: the England fan clenching a lit flare between his buttocks before the Euro 2020 final. For some, a symbol of the broken social contract. For others, harmless football-lad banter. But for playwright and performer Alex Hill, it’s the seed of his debut play. Why I Stuck a Flare Up My Ar*e for England is a deft monologue exploring modern masculinity through the lens of football hooliganism. Packed with laughs and performed with relish by Hill, a surprisingly heartfelt finale elevates the production beyond the norm.
To Billy, football is everything. It structures his weekend, underpins his strongest friendships, and is a “way to forget about real life”. The journey from Billy’s first football (signed, a gift from his grandad) to his first game (taken by lifelong friend Adam), and onto his induction into “the firm” of football hooligans (by intimidating man-toddler Winegum) is mapped out in comic monologue. Billy goes from sitting in a pub toilet, desperately Googling which drug he’s been given, to knocking heads together after a poor result. Fueled by lager, cocaine, and a desire to forget his weekday life, Billy sacrifices everything else for football. His desperate craving to belong only pulls him in further. Inevitably, this unsteady life careens towards a single lit flare.
Hill brings a propulsive charisma to the performance, driving Why I Stuck a Flare Up My Ar*e for England forward – Billy’s naivety is endearing, whilst Winegum’s voice crackles with intimidation. As Billy he downs pints with aplomb, and gamely tries to lead the audience in several football chants. A particularly funny scene sees Billy visiting the theatre with his girlfriend, Daisy: squeezing through the audience, checking the football scores on his phone, and mispronouncing matinee (“martini”, apparently). This could easily feel like sneering at the working classes, but there’s a warmth to Billy’s characterisation that resists this negativity – he even ends up getting swept up in the drama of Les Miserables (even if he can’t quite pronounce it).
The show has been an Edinburgh Fringe hit for the last three years, and manages to retain this small-scale theatre excitement even in the 720-seat Garrick. Hill obviously has a great time: riffing about Magic Mike being performed just around the corner, and pausing to question latecomers sneaking to their seats. This is helped by a whip-smart, smartly observed script: Billy describes a customer at his father’s hair salon as having a “face that folds over itself like a spunky tissue” (Hill drops character to remind us this show was on at 2pm in Edinburgh!).
Despite Hill’s energy, the performance never quite fills the space – an England flag backdrop could be plundered to inject drama into a crowd chant, and lighting changes feel basic. Why I Stuck a Flare Up My Ar*e for England feels like a five-star show in a small room in Edinburgh, but in such a significant theatre it needs that little extra flair to poke the ball over the line.
Why I Stuck a Flare Up My Ar*e for England is at heart a comic monologue, packing an impressive range of one-liners and irony. But in true Edinburgh fashion its piercing final scene sucks all of the air out of the auditorium. The resulting portrait of a lost young man – pursuing community in all the wrong places – is all the better for it.
This is Why I Stuck a Flare Up My Ar*e for England’s final performance in the UK, but it tours off-Broadway in New York from July 8th-18th.