Wouldn’t Christmas be better if it was a little more queer? A Christmas Gaiety confirms that yes, yes it would.
Baby it’s cold outside, but you’re in for a warm welcome at the Royal Albert Hall this season – South Kensington’s esteemed institution has thrown open its doors for the glittering festive explosion that is A Christmas Gaiety.
Far from a silent night (or a particularly holy one for that matter), prepare for a variety show quite unlike any other: think kinky panto meets orchestral drag excellence, draped heavily in tinsel and delivered in time for Christmas by the seriously cheering Peaches Christ and Edwin Outwater. Edwin introduces himself as our ‘conductor, co-host and daddy’ for the evening, and Peaches arrives bedecked in enough sequins to put the cast of Saturday Night Fever to shame. She forgets her muff, apparently the butt of several opening jokes, but rides it out with aplomb – ‘Oh it’s hairy and it has fluffy balls, yada yada’ – as only a queen can.
As you may have gathered, a few of the performers have quite possibly made the naughty list this year, and theatre goers would do well to heed the show’s instructions to leave the kids at home. It is definitely the first time the Royal Albert Hall’s five thousand-strong audience members have obediently moaned in unison to the crack of a whip, following the appearance of Peaches’ scantily clad ‘sexy dom daddy’ assistant in riding boots and cap, complete with jockstrap, choker and all-important riding crop. There are a lot – and I mean A LOT – of christmassy innuendos in this show, and the tyranny of jokes on the theme of acclaimed organist Anna Lapwood’s ‘huge organ’ and the ‘size of her pipes’ threatened to overwhelm (Lapwood’s solo performance was, however, breathtaking, utilising all of the hall’s bells and whistles to showcase a dazzling festive medley). The London LGBT Fourth Choir’s saucy take on The Twelve Days of Christmas is more successful, gleefully belting ‘five c*ck rings…and a ticket to go see Kylie’ with the utmost grace and professionalism.
A doorbell rings to announce the arrival of each member of the star-studded line up, including the opera-singing, bearded drag icon Le Gateau Chocolat, RuPaul’s Drag Race UK contestants Cheddar Gorgeous and Pixie Polite, and Broadway and West End wonder Marisha Wallace. Le Gateau Chocolat’s gorgeous baritone rendition of Frozen’s Let It Go is a highlight, performed with a combination of expert comic timing and top-tier queeny irreverence. Peaches reappears at the opening of the second act in the sparkly pink ball gown of your fairy godmother dreams, having remembered her muff this time around, and is treated to a present by her guests – she is less than impressed with the British yuletide delicacy of mince pies, and someone in the front row receives a hastily re-gifted jar of jellied eels.
The BBC Concert Orchestra are clearly having as much fun as the queens (though the two are not mutually exclusive – a violinist made their drag debut as miss Violin Femme), with a trombonist sporting bouncy reindeer ears and a percussionist in full ‘gay penguin’ costume furiously going to town on the sleigh bells, those punishingly repetitive minims mined for comedy gold. It is majestically entertaining to watch a live orchestra of such a high standard, particularly one playing a yassified Jingle Bells.
I really cannot stress the sheer Christmassiness of this show enough. My companion had had a late night the night before, and already believes the holiday should be celebrated every other year at most. Towards the end, I looked over as Marisha blasted Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas, each special guest returned to the stage and dancing away, the orchestra and speakers at full volume, every Christmas light in the house lit, twinkly snow visual effects galore, audience on their feet with their phone torches out, the penguin going nuts on the bells again. He slowly turned to me with a double thumbs up, a gritted smile and not a small amount of pain behind his eyes: ‘tis the season!’ he grimaced weakly.
Some of the American vs. British, lost-in-translation style jokes did grate a bit, and the humorous topical commentary felt pretty on the nose. However, Edwin, Peaches and co are nonetheless guaranteed to rock your Christmas socks off in bringing San Francisco’s hit seasonal spectacle to the famed Hall for the show’s London premiere performance. Marisha’s spectacular tribute of West Side Story’s ‘Somewhere’ to all chosen families hit an urgent note, acknowledging that for many, the holiday period is a difficult time of negotiating antagonistic family members, opposing political views and the rejection of one’s identity. In stark contrast, A Christmas Gaiety felt like a big queer Christmas party to which everyone is invited, allowing for all the glitzy indulgence of the season with none of the fallout. Pour yourself a tall glass of the holiday spirit (I’d opt for tequila) and get down to South Ken for a magical night of queer festive fun.