A tender but unflinching look at the messy complexity of love, lies, loss & sexuality, Learning How to Drive tells the story of three people facing the reality of what it means to truly know someone. We sat down with award winning writer, Brendan Murray, to discuss their upcoming production. Learning How to Drive plays at the White Bear Theatre 10th – 21st February. Tickets are available here.
Learning How to Dive explores the shock of discovering you never fully knew the person closest to you — what first drew you to that emotional fault line as the heart of the play?
The play grew out of my own personal experience of being “the other woman”. For over thirty years I’ve been having (and still am) what I suppose you’d call an affair with a married man. I know just about everything about his life and family but (as far as we’re both aware) they know nothing about me or our relationship. In the play, Barry (the fictionalised version of my partner) dies and Matt – one of his sons – discovers that his adored father has had a second, secret life, and Jill – his widow – comes to realise the woman she thought her husband had been seeing for years was/is in fact a man.
How did you approach writing about grief and hidden sexuality without allowing either to become a “reveal,” but instead something quieter and more human?
As I’ve said, the play grew out of my own experience / story – and, as a gay man of nearly seventy, I was also part of the generation touched by AIDS. I lost several friends – three of them former partners – to the disease, so death / grief / loss / sexuality have long been recurring (albeit sometimes tacit) themes in my work – even my work for children. For me, these things are part of the fabric of my life and experience, not mere dramatic devices.
The play spans love, lies, and memory across generations — did your perspective on these themes change as you revisited playwriting after so many years?
For the past thirty-five years or so (after I stopped acting) I’ve been a writer first, director second and teacher third. Of course, you fall out of fashion / the people who commissioned you retire or die but I’ve never stopped and, happily, my back catalogue continues to be produced both in the UK and (even more so) in Europe and the USA. Of course, over the years (living / loving / losing) your perspective shifts. Maybe you become more forgiving, more interested in character / less in plot. It’s no coincidence that my favourite playwright (bar none) is Chekhov.
What felt most different, or most confronting, about returning to the stage as an actor in a story you also wrote?
It’s true that I stopped acting in the late 80s, but I never moved away from theatre / the stage. I wrote for the stage / for actors. I directed plays / actors and – maybe most importantly of all – I taught acting at several London drama schools. I thought long and hard about acting and what it means to be an actor. In many ways my teaching was based on / a reaction to all the things I felt I’d done wrong when I was starting out. Coming back to it after nearly forty years (in a semi-autobiographical play) I worried about things like remembering lines (could I do it anymore?) but feel strangely liberated. I’m not building a career / don’t need people to like me. My ego is no longer an obstacle. I can just listen / respond / be.
The piece is described as tender yet unflinching — where did you feel it was most important not to soften the truth for the audience?
The piece is based on / explores / invites the audience to reflect on / respond to the messy complexities of life / love / loss / lies. Warts and all to coin a cliché. It felt important to write from the heart – the positives / the negatives, the beauty / the mess of it / the truth. I wanted the audience to identify with / feel the resonance of the story I was telling. Big things in the lives of small people / what it means to be human.
At its core, the play asks what it really means to know someone — after writing it, has your own answer to that question shifted?
I’m not sure I was looking for an answer (either for myself or the audience) but rather a better understanding. There’s a line towards the end of the first act where Terry (the lover) is talking to Matt (the son) about his now deceased dad; I think this might sum it up: I know it’s hard, some of the things you’re finding out – same here – but they were part of him. You can’t choose the bits you want. That isn’t love.









